Reducing the Likelihood of Relapse

My six years of sobriety has not always been pretty, but it has certainly been enough time for me to develop some theories on why some of my brothers seem to keep relapsing. Trust me, I’d rather just say: “Go ahead and do more research if you need to,” but relapse can be a very serious business. I’d say we get news of a suicide or overdose an average of once every two months at least. For those who do less damage, there’s guilt, regret, self-reproach. And when they find themselves but a week or two later staring at a text from their dealer and weighing whether they can get away with a few sleepless nights—the cycle is indeed one of incomprehensible demoralization.

Thank God you keep coming back, thank God you let the rest of us know it doesn’t get any better out there. But I think there are some questions worth asking yourself that might make your last relapse your last relapse.

First, let’s recognize something: relapse on meth is almost always about sex. I get it. You want to recapture the erotic excitement that was so potent at the beginning of your using. You know what I’m talking about, I don’t need to glamorize it or trigger anyone. Suffice to say meth makes beer goggles look like training wheels by comparison.

And yet it only takes a few weeks for amnesia to kick in. How many times have I heard guys insist that they didn’t get sober to be celibate, even though it’s only 2 weeks since they last picked up? Only an urban gay male addict would think putting sex on the shelf for a few months constituted “celibacy.” Guess what, young man. Your penis will not atrophy. You will not forget how to use it. No one ever dies of horniness. But staying away from the trigger of all triggers for a while may save your life.

This is the value of staying away from sex until you’ve got some time under your belt. It’s an opportunity to ask yourself these questions: Who am I without the sex? Who am I without the validation? Do I think I’m a loser if I stay in on a Saturday night and read a book or watch a movie? What meaning have I attached to how many people want to sleep with me? Do I measure my self-worth by my perceived desirability? Do I understand intimacy? Do I know how to have sex with intimacy? How do I make sex part of living along spiritual lines? How do I live along spiritual lines, period?

The answers I have found shift with experience, they expand, and deepen. But I’m convinced my willingness to ask these questions in the first place has everything to do with why I haven’t relapsed. And part of that willingness came from making a choice not to constantly distract myself with the hunt for sex that I had come to believe was what defined me as a gay man.

See, you know exactly what it’ll be like if you pick up again. You’ve been there a hundred times. But you don’t know what it’s like to stay sober one more day. And let me tell you, that’s where the adventure is. (And trust me, there’s plenty of sex, too. When you’re ready for it, it’ll be ready for you.)

M.O.

Key Points from the GSR meeting on Saturday March 14, 2011

Thanks to all that attended our recent GSR meeting. All members of CMA are welcome.
Happy Birthday to Melanie for 3 years
Being of service, Freddie
* Meetings that need support are:
Sunday:
Stepping Forward 4:30 pm @ 1403 4th Street Long Beach
New Meeting: No Tweak Required 5:30pm @ 160 North El Molino Pasadena
A Method to our Madness 7:30 pm 3025 North Lincoln Ave. Altadena
Monday:
The Living Room Meeting 7:30 pm @ Unity Church 935 E. Blvd. Long Beach
Beginners Group 8:30 pm @ 1733 N New Hampshire Ave. L.A.
Tuesday:
Spinning into the Solution 7:30 pm @ 2530 Hyperion Ave. L.A.
Wednesday:
Sex & Relationships 8:00 pm @ 1773 Griffith Park Boulevard L.A.
Thursday:
Meeting has gone dark: Through the Looking Glass 8:00 pm @ 11455 Chandler Blvd. North Hollywood
Friday:
Home Group @ 10:15 pm 1773 Griffith Park Boulevard L.A.
Saturday:
Stayin’ Alive 7:00 pm MCC CHURCH 4953 Franklin Ave. L.A.
Meeting has gone dark: Crystal Clear Methage 8:00 pm @ Unit A 10641 Burbank Blvd. in North Hollywood
Spanish Meeting:
Victor D. is in the beginning stages of starting the first
Spanish speaking meeting of CMA. If you are interested in helping him with this
Project, please email him through cmainla.com and go to “contacts.”

World Conference Report: The first edition of Crystal Clear: Stories of Hope will be available for purchase at the monthly GSR meetings for $12.00. The following pamphlets have been interim approved: What is H&I, What about Alcohol and other drugs, What about God, Staying Sober and The Sober Tool Kit. We will have more copies at the next GSR meeting. Our hope is that all meetings have a good supply of them at their literature tables.

If you are a secretary or GSR please register your position and meeting you represent at crystalmeth.org.

The next World Conference will be March 1 – 4, 2012 in Atlanta Georgia; details to follow.

A more complete report will be available for viewing at crystalmeth.org soon.

Chips/Literature: Kurt T. - Chips & literature are always available at each GSR meeting. The book Crystal Clear: Stories of Hope is now available at the GSR meeting for $12.00. If we are sold out, you can order copies. The little burgundy big book is available for $2.00 apiece featuring the first 164 pages of the AA big book. There are ten approved pamphlet currently no charge limit 5 apiece. Directories (15 cents ea.) and newcomer packets ($1.00 each) are also available. If you need these items you can come to the meeting or alert your GSR’s. If you notice that literature tables at your meetings are low on CMA literature, please talk to your literature person, secretary, or GSR about obtaining these items. The pamphlet and meeting directories are also available as a download PDF at cmainla.com

Area Assembly: All GSR’s are invited to join us at next California Area Assembly on March 27, 2011 following the CMALA Convention at Plummer Park. Estimated time is 4 PM.

Public outreach, information (P&I): Please join Roger D and the team to distribute helpline cards.

Helpline: Join Chuck C and take a helpline shift. It is a great way to help guide newcomers to meetings.

There will be a combined committee meeting for the helpline and P&I to be announced.

Events planning: Join Dale G. and the team for these upcoming events!
March Madness St Patrick’s Day roller skating party; details to follow.

Conscious Contact Sunlight of the Spirit is set for May 6 - 8, 2011 ($175 for the weekend). Please register at cmainla.com.

The next planning meeting is TBA.

The Blog: Mark O. - If you would like to submit your view on a CMA related topic, please submit to editorcmainl@gmail.com.

Registration/Directory: Gregorio V. - The winter 2011 revised directory is available. Fresh copies can be picked up or place an order with Gregorio and he will have them ready for you at the monthly district meeting. The cost is 15 cents per copy. You can also go to cmainla.com to download it.

H&I: Bob S. & Robert G. – We are looking for speakers to visit recovery houses to share their experiences. We are also in need of panel leaders. Speakers need 6 months clean and panel leaders need 1 year. Panel leaders need to speak on minimum of 6 panels before becoming a leader. Invite your sponsees to join as well. To sign up, please attend the next meeting of H&I on Saturday March 12, 2011, at noon at The Gateway Center 7100 Santa Monica Blvd. West Hollywood 90046

H&I Long Beach: Mike M. – Long Beach will be having an H&I appreciation day TBA. If you want to get involved in the growing H&I panels in Long Beach, please contact Mike M. through cmainla.com.
* All committees are in need of volunteers.

Volunteering is a great way to be of service and to give back to your community. If you are interested in any other committees, go to cmainla.com and send a message to the chairman of the committee you would like to be a part of or join us at the next district meeting.

The next GSR meeting is on Saturday April 9, 2011 @ 10:00 AM The Gateway Center
7100 Santa Monica Blvd. West Hollywood 90046